The 21st Century SAHM -

What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up?

The 21st Century SAHM

January 10, 2025

Eeeeeeek! I wrote a book. Like a whole big book with 30 chapters, a table of contents, and all the rest. And it’s available for pre-order now on Amazon, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, and Target. So here are the deets:

In May of 2025, “What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom)” will be released, published by Jossey-Bass of Wiley Publishing.

And here’s what the cover will look like.

So what is this book about? Who is it for? Well, you, actually.

If you’re a mom, this book is for you.

If you’re the default parent, this book is for you.

If you put your career on hold to raise your kids and are now wondering what TF you’re doing to do once they’ve flown off to their own nests, this book is for you.

If you still struggle with middle school bullsh*t like fitting in and making friends even though you’re a big old grownup, this book is for you.

If you’re sweating through your t-shirt when it’s 40 degrees outside and just discovered a rogue chin hair as the sunlight hit your reflection in the mirror this morning, this book is for you.

If motherhood has looked a lot different than you thought it would, this book is for you.

If you’re just generally pissed off a lot lately, this book is for you.

If you love your children fiercely and would run through fire for them but omg if they don’t put their shoes away you are going to light every croc, Nike Blazer, and Birkenstock sandal on fire, then yes, this book is for you.

“What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom)” was equal parts cathartic and heart-wrenching for me to write, as I felt empowered but also very vulnerable telling some hard truths about motherhood, marriage, and perimenopause. But I’m glad I did.

I hope you read it. I hope you like it. And I hope it makes you laugh and feel less alone. That’s what I hope most of all.

What Does It Look Like When We’re “Living the Dream”?

The 21st Century SAHM

no comments

March 28, 2025

When I was young, I dreamt of falling in love someday. And then one day, I did.

And when we were in college, we dreamt of having our own place someday and starting our lives together, as adults on our own. And then one day, we did. Our first apartment was tiny, and we furnished it with hand-me-downs and thrift store finds, but it was ours. Soon, though, I began dreaming of our wedding… and of a bigger place… and of new furniture from a real furniture store… and of having kids…

And then, one day, we moved into a bigger apartment. Two bedrooms and two bathrooms! And a pool! And we bought nicer stuff to fill it with. And we got married. And baby number 1 arrived.

The next dream? Owning our first home.

Eventually, it happened. We moved into our first house (not a second-floor apartment!) All of the bedrooms and bathrooms and garage and yard and attic and basement… it was all ours.

But soon, I began dreaming of more babies. And we grew out of that house, so I dreamt of a bigger house.

Two more babies came, but during those early years, I dreamt of a day when I’d sleep again. And when the diaper days were over and everyone used the potty. And when we could go places without lugging a stroller and 900 bags of snacks, cups, wipes, toys, and backup underwear.

Of course, that day came.

They’re teens and a tween now. We have a big house that fits everyone and their friends. But it’s already happened again—the dreams. Dreams of ripping up the old carpet and repainting the walls and renovating this dated space or replacing that old couch.

But also, I caught myself recently dreaming of what’s next after that too—a smaller place, less square footage to take care of, fewer floors to clean and surfaces to wipe.

Only that means the kids will be gone, and I don’t dream of that.

I have realized that throughout my life, I was “living the dream” so many times and probably didn’t see it. As soon as I fell in love, or had my first apartment, or had my first baby, or moved into my first home, the next dream began to form.

And while dreaming can be exciting and provide something hopeful to think about, I regret that I didn’t always stop to enjoy living in the moment more—appreciating that I was, already, living my dream each time.

Now that my kids are older and we’re talking about college and what comes next for them (and for me), I suddenly dream of freezing time. Of slowing down this ride so I have more days, weeks, months, years, of them here, in this big old house with our stained carpet and leaky windows.

Unfortunately, the ability to stop time is one dream I won’t fulfill. But at least I can recognize this little life I’m living—right now—for what it is.

I’m living all my dreams, and for that, I’m grateful. 🩷

**Pre-order What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom) today via Amazon, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, or Target.**

**This post contains affiliate links.

What Really Matters When You Turn 45

The 21st Century SAHM

no comments

March 21, 2025

Turning 45 Means Anti-Aging Serums and Weight-Loss Plans... Unless It Doesn't

When I was a teenager, I babysat for a sweet little family down the street. A mom, a dad, and two kids under 5. The baby was probably around a year old. Tragically, one day, my mother sat me down in our living room and told me that the mom had passed away suddenly. Two innocent little children and their dad were now left to figure this world out on their own.

Over the years, as I’ve watched my own kids grow, I have thought about their family many times. My parents have long since moved away from the street where I grew up, and I have no idea what path their lives took. But the fact that those kids grew up without their mom, the fact that she didn’t get to see what little people and then big people they turned into, the fact that she didn’t get to take their first day of school pictures over the years and take her daughter prom dress shopping or dance with her son at his wedding… She missed so much. And thinking of her gives me a dose of perspective about what really matters.

I turn 45 day—in this body. I just worked out and my muscles are sore. My body weighs more than it ever has. It has more fat on it than it ever has. I have more gray hairs than I’ve ever had. Wrinkles too.

45 sounds old to me. I remember when I was a kid and my parents were in their 30s, I thought of them as grownups. But in their 40s? That was OLD. And here I am. My kids probably think I’m old. And in some ways, I am.

But holy sh*t am I grateful that I’m still here. I’m grateful that I get to be here to teach my 16yo to drive (terrifying as it may be). I’m grateful my 14yo forced me to get Snapchat so she can send me cute pics and messages that maintain our “streak.” I’m grateful I was there when my 12yo had a bad dream the other night and asked me to lay with him until he fell back asleep.

According to the anti-aging / diet culture we live in, 45 means I should be very invested in, well, not looking 45. According to them, I should be dying things and tightening things and working really, really hard to get smaller—to get back to the body I had 10, 20 years ago.

Except it isn’t 10, 20 years ago. It’s today. And this is what I’m working with—cellulite, wrinkles, grays, maybe a rogue chin hair now and then.

One of my close friends has been battling breast cancer for the past year, which means she hasn’t had the energy to even go for a walk most days. She’s finally in remission and her hair is growing back. Her strength is starting to return too, but it’s slow-going.

But she’s here. She’ll be able to take her daughters dress shopping for homecoming this fall. And listen to their stories as they spill all the hottest tea from school. And hopefully soon, going for a walk won’t be as much work for her body.

45 years is a gift. A gift I was not promised, as none of us is. I feel grateful today for this body and for this life. And I vow to keep taking care of it. I’ll keep exercising and drinking water. But I’ll also keep living life and eating foods I love and wearing clothes that fit whatever body I wake up in.

Tonight I’m going out to celebrate and I’ll drink whatever I want and eat whatever I want because that’s what birthdays are for. And tomorrow I’ll wake up grateful for another day. Grateful that baseball and tennis start soon and I’ll be there to cheer on my kids. Grateful that my daughter asked me to take her shopping tomorrow and that I’m here to take her (and probably get boba teas while we’re out because of course we will).

Cheers to 45. 💜

(Also, yes, these pants are like 10 years old and have a hole in them. They still get the job done.)

**Pre-order my book “What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom) on Amazon, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, or Target today.**

*This post contains affiliate links.*

Book promo - What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up?

Merch, Giveaways, and Zoom Chats… Oh, My!

The 21st Century SAHM

no comments

March 6, 2025

Lots of big things happening, friends and I want to bring you all in. First, I want to send YOU an advanced reader copy (ARC) of my new book What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom)! Sign up here to get a digital copy before it hits the shelves in print. Okay, on to more fun stuff…

1. Merch!

I created a tiny merch shop with some things I love—that has messaging I love. Like this giant tumbler that will remind you of how awesome you are while you run your kids around town and try to stay hydrated. Or these notebooks where you can write your grocery lists, Christmas lists, or your daily list of all you accomplished—you know, in case you need a little mental health boost. Or even just a pack of post-it notes to jot down a reminder to pick up your medication (but also to remind you that you’re doing a good job).

2. Giveaways!

I’m excited to tell you that as part of the promotion for my new book, I’ll be offering some giveaways to anyone who has pre-ordered it. Free merch items plus copies of other books I’ve written or contributed to (like this humorous mom journal)—some goodies could be coming your way! Also, if you sign up to receive to an ARC (advanced reader copy), you’ll be automatically entered into the giveaway.

3. Zoom chats!

I loooooove talking with other women and moms about… well, all the things. So, if you gather a group of girlfriends together for a book club or even just a casual mom chat, let me know! If you pre-order the book beforehand, I’ll pop in via zoom and we can have a glass of wine and talk about the perimenopause sweats, default parenting, raising teenagers, SAHM life… whatever you want to talk about—I’m in! Sign up via this link to receive an ARC (advanced reader copy) and I’ll take it from there.

What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom) was written for you. You, the mom in her 40s wondering what’s next. You, the mom struggling with the crippling loneliness of motherhood and wondering if she’s doing a good job. You, the default parent who is carrying the unbearable weight of the mental load on her own. You, the woman who is watching her body change drastically in real time and wondering WTF is happening and why she’s sweating when it’s 13 degrees outside. You, the mom who gave up her career to raise her kids but soon they’ll all be off, being adults on their own, and you’re starting to wonder if maybe it’s your turn to have the spotlight now.

This book is for all of us, and I’m so excited to share it with you. Pre-order What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom) today via Amazon, Bookshop, Barnes & Noble, and Target. Sign up to receive an advanced copy here.

*This post contains affiliate links.