And the Dinner Trickery award goes to… (Don’t be a sore loser. Maybe your oatmeal wasn’t up to snuff.)
I love awards. And I used to receive them from time to time, in my other life — back when I wore dry-clean only clothes. And used the iron.
Alas, there are no awards in SAHMville. But you know what they say: If you don’t like the way things are, make a change! Who says we can’t get awards? In the spirit of change (and an unhealthy need to win something), I have listed some awards that I would like to nominate myself for.
1. Least Likely to Ever Put Away Clothes. This award goes to the mother whose family lives out of laundry baskets. The clothes get washed, folded, put into baskets, and then eventually taken out of baskets to be worn and returned to the dirty laundry. They never make it into drawers or closets.
2. Most Likely to Change into Exercise Clothes and Never Work Out. This mom deserves an award, dammit. She tried. (Sort of)
3. Achievement in Dinner Trickery. This award goes to the mom who convinces her children that she made them a “special dinner.” (So what if the rest of the world calls it “oatmeal?”)
4. Achievement in House-Project Abandonment. This award goes to the mommy who woke up one day and decided, “Today’s the day! I am going to clean all the blinds!” 4 blinds later: Fuck it. And done. Next week she’ll move all the furniture to vacuum behind everything. Ha. No she won’t.
Not to be excluded, I’ve also nominated each of my family members for an award, as I do love them so.
1. Most Likely to Leave Dirty Clothes Anywhere but in the Actual Laundry Basket, That is in the Middle of the Floor. (Nominated: husband)
2. Most Likely to Wake Up at 6:12 a.m. Every Single Morning of His Childhood. (Nominated: 6-year old son)
3. Achievement in Stuffed Animal Collecting and Freaking the Shit Out If Even One of the 11 Stuffed Dogs is Moved or Touched. (Nominated: 4-year old daughter)
4. Most Likely to be Banned from the Library. For Life. (Nominated: 2-year old son, whose sole purpose at the library is to pull hundreds of books off of the shelves, make towers, jump off book towers, bloody his face, and scream)
Please vote for us! We like awards.
image credit: pixabay.com
Dinner trickery with oatmeal, I have been there. This week actually and I also attempt to convince them that egg sandwiches are a real treat. I think the older kids are catching on though.
That’s my big fear — when they figure out my tricks!