March 29, 2014
I recently read a hilarious article from Huff Post entitled “How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy Steps.” (See link below.) Tonight I find myself inspired to rip off this piece and create my own “How to put a 3-year old little girl to bed… in as many steps as it takes before you actually carry your beer into her room with you as you meet her demands.”
Step 1: Help her brush her teeth. Because she insists on bring a “friend” (stuffed animal and/or doll) with her to every room to do anything and everything, her turtle (affectionately and adorably called “Pokey”) falls into the tooth-paste covered sink.
Step 2: Wash Pokey and dry tears.
Step 3: Redo child’s braids. Because it is bedtime and every girl needs beautiful braids… to sleep in.
Step 4: Help her change into pajamas. She can do it herself. Nope. She needs help. Nope. She can do it herself. Nope. She needs help.
Step 5: Allow her to spend 3 full minutes choosing which skirt to wear over her pajamas. TO BED.
Step 6: Read “Belle Book” (Beauty and the Beast) for the 985th time.
Step 7: Say prayers, including praying for “Baby, Pokey, Giraffe, Brown Bear, Baby Bear, Polar Bear, Baby Polar Bear, Bunny….
Step 8: Because she realized she was missing some friends during prayers, search for specific missing friends. Tonight they include 4 puppies (she owns about 12).
Step 9: After 4 puppies are found, head back upstairs. As you reach the very top stair, you hear “And Dragon!” Turn around and go back downstairs. Find Dragon.
Step 10: Deliver 4 puppies and a dragon.
Step 11: You are now told that Dragon needs her blanket. The specific blanket you are looking for is about 2 x 3 inches. Good luck.
Step 12: After miraculously finding the tiny blanket (because “Mommy, Dragon is sooooo cold”), and bringing it to your 3-year old, she responds: “All of my other friends need blankets too. Can you find each one their own little blanket?”
Step 13: Open beer. Write this blog.