My husband is getting ready to leave for a work trip, which will last between four and six weeks. He will not come home at all during this time, and we will probably talk to him once a day at the most due to his intense schedule. Whenever one of his long work trips is approaching, my fellow mom friends always say, “I don’t know how you do it.”
How do I do it? Part of me wears it like a badge of honor. Because, I’ll be honest. It is fucking hard. I have three kids under seven. I have been pregnant, nursing newborns with toddlers underfoot, potty-training, fighting a whole-house stomach flu, and hiding from tornadoes during some of these trips. They are long. And I am pulled veeeeeery thin. But at the end, I am able to look back at the weeks of doing it all — all of the bedtimes, all of the soccer practices, all of the cooking, all of the snow-shoveling, all of the middle of the night bad dreams, and feel a sense of pride. Turns out, I can do it. How? I just do.
One mindset that helps me through the darkest of days (usually around week three, I hit a wall), is to think of other moms, moms whose lives are different, harder, and I wonder how they do it.
Military wives, when your husband is fighting overseas for a year, how do you do it? How do you put on a brave face for your kids every single day?
Moms of kids with special needs, how do you do it? How do you find the strength, the energy, to put one foot in front of the other, each morning?
Moms of multiples, oh my insanity. How the frick do you do your life?
Moms who work 12-hour shifts and come home to help your children with homework, cook dinner, do the laundry, and pack lunches for tomorrow, how do you do it?
Moms who are competing, climbing the corporate ladder, all the while raising a family at home, how in the hell do you do it all?
Moms who are terrified of homelessness because there is no money to pay the rent, how on earth do you get through your days?
Shit, your lives are hard. I honestly cannot imagine how you do it, but I’ll bet, if I asked you, your answer would be a lot like mine. You just do it. And that’s what I’ll say, if you ask me, around week three or four of my husband’s upcoming work trip. I’ll probably look worn out, and I might have less patience for my 2-year old’s tantrums in the cereal aisle. I may let the kids watch too many screens. And I’ll probably order A LOT of pizza. But if you ask me, or ask any of us who may face a challenge, whether it is a month-long or a life-long challenge, how we do it, there is really one answer. “We just do it.”
Great article. I get that a lot too, having 7 kids and a farmer hubby who works late into the night frequently. My kids are spread out pretty well and I always wonder how moms that have babies a year and a half or less apart do it.
7 kids?! You are on my list now too. HOW DO YOU DO IT?!
it’s funny because as a once single mom now not i learned that the “how do you do it” answer is “you just do”. like you said, there are so many other mothers that have different/harder situations and they do it too! great post!
Thank you!
Love, love, love this piece! I get this all the time too, as a mom to a daughter with significant special needs and a husband who leaves at 6am and comes home around 10 at night. I have done so many things I once thought would end me. And yes, just like you said, I do it. But like you I also think of all of the women (and men) who do what I do and so much more. It really puts it in perspective and makes me feel so grateful for all I do have. Thank you!
Thank you for commenting, Kathy! And wow, your days sound long! We are so much stronger than we realize, aren’t we?
You are so right! Whenever I think I am having a hard time, I just have to think about other moms who are probably having an even harder time. I just pick myself up and continue. No matter who you are, or where you are, or how many kids you have, being a mom is terribly hard and we all do the best we can and we are all amazing moms! You are on badass mom!
Thank you Fabiola! We are all bad-ass in our own ways!
These are all such good reminders. I catch myself feeling sorry for myself sometimes (three kids under five) and then I stop and remind myself of how lucky I am to have these beautiful children and I try to embrace the chaos. It helps. So does wine 😛
Yes, wine does help! Or beer. Or margaritas. Whatever, really.
Oh, this post is wonderful. No matter what we have to do, us mothers always find a way. New to your blog and really like your style of writing. Will be coming back to read more 🙂
Thank you, Sarisa! I hope you do! I’ll check out your site as well. 🙂
I was a military wife. I had four children under 7, and honestly, I get the feeling of pride and accomplishment. And I liked not having another opinion as to how things should be done. The kids and I had our routine. It was tough, but it worked for us. And now I have four older children who are terribly self sufficient because they had to help out, and had to step it up while daddy was gone. My hats off to you but I know you’re doing an excellent job, and this will pay off in dividends!
Wow. Thank you, Sandra! Thank you for your kind words and for your family’s service and sacrifice. Kudos to you for raising such awesome, self-sufficient kids!