If you follow Hollywood news at all, you’ll know that the latest trend is to bow and kiss the feet of any father who does anything remotely fatherly. Like give his kid a cracker. Or tie a shoe. The world explodes with love and praise for this latest father-of-the-year, he graces the cover of Time Magazine, and women spontaneously become pregnant by sheer miracle as they gaze upon his face. This has happened to Hollywood dads like Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Gosling, John Legend… etc.
Like many moms who have pushed writhing babies out of their lady bits after 24 hours of food-less labor, I am annoyed at the fanfare that results when a Hollywood hottie daddy basically doesn’t drop his kid on its head. But honestly, I blame us. That’s right, fellow moms. This is bullshit, but it’s our fault.
Because guess who actually gives a flying fuck about Ryan Gosling / Reynolds (either one — same point works here) and his diaper changing skills? WOMEN. Guess who probably doesn’t know the difference between these two actors? MEN.
Am I stereotyping? Yes. On purpose. Because I think women as a whole create these halos that hover over dads’ heads with one hand and slap fellow mothers down with the other. It’s WOMEN who raise up these fathers on to their ridiculous “I changed a pee diaper (not even poop)” pedestal while simultaneously chastising a fellow mother for feeding her colicky baby formula. It’s women who criticize their fellow birth-giving-vagina-torn-or-stomach-sliced females.
And I’m not saying men are vapid creatures, incapable of intellectual thoughts. What I am saying is that they don’t care about this crap. What man do you know who actually cares if the neighbor down the street breastfeeds? Or home schools? Or feeds her kids organic food? Or can identify even one of these Hollywood dads? If you want to talk sports or politics, they might dig in their heels. But for this? Nope. (Stereotyping again, I know. But you know it’s true.)
This is on us, girlfriends. And you know what? I think it is fricking awesome that dads are in the news for doing good things and loving their babies. Do I think they deserve a medal for giving their baby a goldfish cracker? No. But dads are important. And good dads should be revered. What sucks is when they are built up as bright as the damn golden sun and their wives are torn down for… wait for it… giving their kids effing goldfish crackers. Because processed food, y’all.
Did you see the story that tore Charlize Theron apart for dragging her son to the car mid-tantrum? Torn. A. Part. Raise your hand if you’ve had to drag a child somewhere mid-tantrum. You know you have. But she’s an unfit mother while Chris Hemsworth can mix eggs and flour together for his daughter’s birthday and earn an automatic staircase to heaven.
Again, who tore Charlize Theron a new one? WOMEN. MOTHERS. Does your man KNOW who Charlize Theron is? I’ll bet most men could identify her only if you put a picture of her and Eddie Murphy next to each other and asked which one was Charlize Theron. They DON’T CARE THAT SHE DRAGGED HER KID TO THE CAR.
It’s us. And that sucks, frankly. So Ryan Gosling slash Reynolds is going to keep changing a diaper every March, and we are going to keep putting our hands over our hearts in love and support of his sacrifice. All the while bashing each other for not bringing homemade organic paleo free-range gluten-free dye-free chemical-free fucking taste-free cupcakes to the 1st grade Halloween party. Because that’s apparently how we want to roll.
Let’s get it together, girls. We can do better. We pushed those little buggers out or had ’em cut out. We deserve better than this. We deserve better from each other.
P.S. I love you, Ryan(s.)