The 21st Century SAHM

The Not Very Beautiful Pink Dress

March 25, 2016

This past Valentines Day I remembered something that had happened one year ago. I didn’t write about it last year, because, frankly, I was embarrassed. I had made a mistake—one that impacted my relationship with my daughter, about something that should have never been an issue.

She was four at the time, and at the height of pinks and hearts and frills and princesses. And her Valentines Day party at preschool was coming up. I came across a dress online and it jumped off the screen, screaming my daughter’s name. It was pink and fluffy and girly and covered with hearts. It was perfect for Valentines Day. The matching necklace and headband were an extra bonus.

I had never bought her clothes online before, as I am not much of a shopper, nor am I a frilly girly-girl. She wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and the pretty dresses she does have usually come from the sale rack at Target or Kohl’s. Mom is pretty low-key with that kind of stuff.

So this was a big event for her, but more importantly, for me. I was going outside my usual boring, comfortable box, and splurging on something special that I knew she would love. I couldn’t wait to see her face the day of the party.

The day finally arrived (the box had been hidden in my laundry room for weeks). She was going to squeal with joy. She was going to run upstairs to put it on and twirl around the living room, showing us all how beautiful she looked. (I thought.)

Only she didn’t. She hated it. I couldn’t believe it. This moment that I had been anticipating for weeks was ruined. She didn’t like the feel of the fabric, and as soon as she put the dress on, she couldn’t wait to rip it off. Continue Reading

I Am a Feminist For You

The 21st Century SAHM

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March 21, 2016

I see the way eyes roll and the room gets quiet when I proudly declare that I am a feminist. I hear how people—both men and women—spit the word out as if it were a sour grape. I know, and accept, that over the past century, this word has picked up negative connotations. But I believe in the ideologies of feminism—equal rights and equal opportunities for women. It’s not a hard concept, really. And this simplicity solidifies it for me—I cannot imagine any other way to be.

I am not sure where my feminist inspiration originated, but I can feel it growing, intensifying, inspiring me to write, to fight, to speak, to act. I believe this recent surge of pride in my feminist beliefs is a result of an event that occurred five years ago: the birth of my daughter. Therefore, because she is my inspiration, a driving force within my soul, I write this for her.

I want so much for my daughter. I want her to be healthy and fulfilled and validated and proud. I want her to make the world a better place and to know that she is making the world a better place. I want her to find at least one thing that she will fight for. One thing for which she will stand up to the most intimidating bully in the room and refuse to back down when challenged. Whether it be animal rights, or equal funding in education, or saving the planet’s natural resources… I hope she finds something that burns within her gut, that keeps her up at night, that makes her angry at times, that makes her take risks. And if she asks me what my thing was—my passion, I’ll say it was for her. For all girls. I’ll say it was feminism.

Why are you a feminist, Mom? She might ask.

And I’ll tell her this. Continue Reading

Guess What Kids? MOM Will Figure It Out

The 21st Century SAHM

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March 16, 2016

Don’t worry about it, Mom. Dad will figure it out. He took the Star Wars origami project that I’d been unsuccessfully fiddling with for 20 minutes out of my hands. And he walked away.

It was a knife-slice to the heart. When did Daddy become the smart parent? How did I lose that status? Did I ever have it? Is it because I am a stay-at-home mom? Is it because I am a woman?

There are many roles and titles that I’ve learned to accept throughout my motherhood years. I am the default parent. Want to know the rules? Ask Mom. Want to stay up late and eat sugar? Ask Dad. Mom insists on vegetables with dinner; Dad’s more likely to swing in to Taco Bell. I make them pick up their toys far more than Daddy does. And I get on the floor and play far less than he.

I accept that he’s the fun one. And that their time with him is more special, as he works and travels a lot. Their time with me is… well, all the time. So it is easy to take me for granted.

I am okay with all of that.

I am not okay with Dad being the only smart one. Who builds massive Lego projects with you? Mommy. Who helps you with your homework? Mommy. Who takes you to the library? Mommy. Yet, if something is mentally challenging, the go-to response is, I’ll ask Dad. Continue Reading