20 Questions... The Motherhood Version

Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself, somewhere, along the way?

1. Do you sometimes cringe when you see your worst qualities passed on to your kids?

2. Do you ever get all dolled up for an event, like a wedding, and see yourself in the mirror and think, Damn! Not too shabby for SAHM on the back-half of her 30s! But then you see wedding photos and wonder who the old, flabby chick is at the end… only to realize it’s you?

3. Are you often surprised at how hard marriage can be?

4. Do you ever wonder if you had too many kids? (Even though on many days, the last one is definitely your favorite?)

5. Do you ever wonder if you’ll ever feel sexy again or if that ship has permanently sailed?

6. Do you sometimes work out hard for 3 weeks, see noticeable changes, feel good about yourself, and then eat one single bowl of ice cream and instantly look 5 months pregnant?

7. Do you yell at your kids too much? Are you ever afraid that your kids will look back on their childhood and remember a mommy who was angry all the time?

8. Do you sometimes drink an extra glass of wine at night, knowing you will pay for it the next morning, but do it anyway because you are so desperate to feel 22 again and so desperate to feel free?

9. Do you measure your success by how your kids fare in comparison with their peers?

10. Did you create a summer bucket list with your kids and then find it in the craft bin, used as scratch paper?

11. Do you often feel like you’ve lost yourself, somewhere along the way? Are you afraid of never finding your way back?

12. Do you spend a rare afternoon to yourself, a time you could be so productive, binge-watching Netflix and eating fruit snacks and then frantically pick up the house in the last 15 minutes before everyone returns home?

13. Do you lay awake at night, shaken to your core, terrified of worst-case-scenario situations involving your kids?

14. Are you sometimes painfully bored of the monotony of your life while simultaneously crippled by a fear of change?

15. Are you resentful that you are not the fun parent?

16. Do you feel trapped?

17. Do you miss happy hour?

18. Do you often use humor to mask your insecurities?

19. Do you often wonder, after your kids are asleep, if they knew how much they were loved today? Do you wish you could wake them up to tell them?

20. Do you sometimes make lists like this one and then realize that you are too damn hard on yourself?

 

You do? Good. Me too.

 

 

image credit: morquefile

 

6 Signs Smartphones Have Taken Over Your Life

Like mother, like daughter… Amiright??

How do you know if you are addicted to your smartphone? Here is an excerpt from my piece on The Mid that will tell you what you need to know. (Read the rest of the piece here.)

 

1. You forgot your phone when you went into the bathroom. Now you are looking around the room, confused, from your post on the toilet. What does one do in here with these three minutes? How on earth will you pass this time? Thoughts run wild: I need to repaint these walls. When did I clean in here last? Is that a poop print on the floor? (See? These are unsettling realizations you are having, as a result of not having a phone distraction. You must have your phone in your possession every minute of your life to avoid such un-pleasantries.)…

 

Want to read the rest? Click here!

 

image credit: Morguefile

 

Stuck in the MIddle With You... (A letter to my daughter)

Dear Middle Child, Maybe it’s not so bad to be stuck in the middle.

Dear sweet middle child,

I know you are stuck in the middle. You are stuck between an older, going-into-first-grade, always-doing-new-and-exciting-things brother and a younger, two-year-old, making-mommy-drink-and-cry brother. And then there’s you. Our 4-year old, kind-hearted, always-trying-to make-everyone-happy middle child.

I know it seems like everything is a bigger deal for your older brother. And you are right; it is. Everything is a big deal with him because Mommy and Daddy don’t know what we are doing. He’s our first, our guinea pig kid, our test run. We didn’t know how to take care of a newborn when he first came home from the hospital. And when he was two, we didn’t know how to properly manage his tantrums or stop him from peeing everywhere. And yeah, last year, when he went off to kindergarten, it was a big deal for all of us, especially Mommy. Because Mommy didn’t know how to let her little boy be away from her from 8 a.m. until 3:40 p.m.

And I know it seems like Mommy devotes much of her time and energy to your younger brother. Trust me, she’s pretty much all done with the whole 2-year-old business (if you couldn’t tell by her self-imposed happy hour lately). But that’s the thing about 2-year-olds. They suck out every last tiny drop of energy, sanity, peace, and quiet that’s anywhere in the house. They take it all.

I’m sorry that you’re stuck in the middle. But guess what? Guess which mommy you’re getting? You get the best mommy. When you start kindergarten, you’ll get the benefit of a veteran kindergarten mommy who will have shaken out a lot of her fears. Your mommy will know what the eff she’s doing on a daily basis (mostly… she still is your mommy, so let’s be realistic). Your mommy probably won’t embarrass you and think of completely inane reasons to email your teacher just to have some sort of contact with you during the day. Your mommy may not ugly-blubber-cry on your first day of kindergarten, but rather, she’ll probably shed one or two normal person tears.

And guess who your younger brother is going to get? While your older brother gets Totally Confused and Scared Mommy, your younger brother gets Half-Assed This is My Third Rodeo Mommy. How much shit do you think she’s going to volunteer for once he’s in school and she finally has the house to herself again? Do you think she’s going to peruse Pinterest at midnight looking for monster cupcakes for the Halloween party? You get Second Time Around Mommy. She might still venture down Pinterest Lane for birthday party craft ideas. (She might. I didn’t say she will.)

And do you know what? I am stuck in the middle too. I am stuck half way between career-driven and completely committed to the SAHM life. I am stuck between mourning the end of my baby-making days and dreaming of the day you are all in school. I am in the middle, exactly half way between my 20s and 40s, which means I am not young but not old either. I am a little bit wrinkled but can still run a few miles. I am usually exhausted, but I can still party late into the night with your daddy if I drink an extra cup of coffee in the afternoon.

See? I am stuck in the middle with you. You and Second Time Around Mommy. In it together. The middle isn’t so bad after all.

This post was originally published on Sammiches and Psych Meds.