The 21st Century SAHM

With family all over the country, the hubs and I have been road-trippin’ with the little ones since the first was a teenie newbie. Now there are 3. And because we break them in early, they have all turned into relatively good travelers. This training is essential for road trip survival, as sooner or later, you’ll have a trip that turns out to be… “memorable.”

…Like possibly one trip that includes breaking down on the side of the interstate, hours from home and hours from your destination, with a toddler and kicking baby in utero, in 102 degree weather. And on the way home from the same trip, you’ll get caught in a tornado-esque thunderstorm that forces you to pull off the road and stay in a hotel. But wait, there’s more. The town you pull into will be hosting the State Fair and every single hotel will be booked solid, except, of course, one “presidential suite”, in one hotel that will cost more than the repairs on the car did from 7 days earlier…

So, having a bit of experience in this department, below is my recommended formula for a successful road trip with young children (or at least one that doesn’t make you want to drive straight into the Mississippi).

1. Do not have a “plan.” Set a general time frame, but be willing to be so flexible that there is basically no plan. If you have your mind and heart set on arriving at Grandma’s by 7 p.m., you will not. You will arrive at 11:42 with bloodshot eyes and crying kids. If you try your best to maintain the “we get there when we get there” mentality, you will fare much better. I promise.

2. Be willing to stop for long-ish periods of time. Rolling to a slow crawl into Jimmy Johns and expecting to be back on the road within 8 minutes is not recommended. Instead, stop somewhere for an hour. If you pass a McDonalds play area, let your kids hang out a bit and pick up some extra germs to bring along to Aunt Sara’s. A longer, more relaxed meal break also allows ample time for potty breaks, diaper changes, and leg-stretching. This strategy may lengthen the trip, but the whole crew will be happy and refreshed for the next leg of the drive.

3. Be comfortable! This goes for everyone –even Mom and Dad. We live in a yoga pants world, so if there is ever a day to rock the “what-should-be-pjs-but-we-call-them-pants” pants, it is the day of a road trip. Don’t try to stuff yourself into the skinny jeans today. If you want to be more presentable when you arrive, stop somewhere and freshen up before pulling in the driveway. Or don’t, and arrive disheveled and with Cheez-its crumbs all over you, like we do!

4. Allow your kids some special treats to ensure their comfort as well. If you are setting out early in the morning or arriving late to your destination, let the kids hang out in their pajamas for part of the drive. Have them bring along their favorite blanket, pillow, and snuggle friend.

5. Let your kids have input on packing and snacks. Have them each bring a small backpack to keep with them with a few favorite books or toys and snacks. Let this be their responsibility to choose what goes in the bag (with final approval from Mom, of course).

6. Speaking of snacks, let some rules slide. This might be the time to acquiesce and allow fruit snacks or candy, or some other forbidden treat. Remember, this is a fun adventure! Mommy can break the rules a little bit while on the road!

7. Talk to your kids about compromise. There is no way a parent can maintain sanity and listen to Veggie Tales music for 13 straight hours. However, the kids deserve their entertainment too. Allow fair amounts of time for kids music before switching to grownup music. The same goes for screen time. After a movie or some time for video games (which ideally allowed Mom and Dad some peace and quiet), switch to some good old fashioned car games. 20 Questions! The License Plate Game! Oldies but goodies.

Okay, here’s the real deal, parents. All of the above suggestions are merely that — suggestions. But here is the ONE RULE that MUST BE OBEYED:

8. If baby is asleep: THERE IS NO STOPPING.

Happy trails!

 

photo credit: pixabay.com

It has been 12 years since I officially bid farewell to my beloved East Coast and moved to the Midwest. I have birthed and raised all of my kids in what snooty East and West Coasters (myself included) often call fly-over states. They are the states that, before moving to one, I probably could not identify on a map without reeeeeally concentrating. So many of them are square. Which is Colorado and which is Wyoming? Is that Nebraska or Kansas? Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin are all jumbled up there with the lakes. Which is which?

But yep, I ended up here. And although I have truly enjoyed making a life in the Midwest, this East Coast girl had some adjusting to do upon arrival. One story in particular accents the differences I encountered in my new surroundings. It happened the first time I went grocery shopping…

I was unaware that people in the Midwest talk to each other. In the one hour that I spent shopping, someone asked if I “needed any help” or “was finding everything ok” no less than 11 times. And after I checked out and almost got matching tattoos with my new BFF (the cashier), the boy who bagged my groceries started walking away with my cart.

“Hey! I paid for all of that! What are you doing?”

“Helping you to your car, Miss.”

WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.

I politely scowled and said, “No thanks. I’m good,” and pushed my own cart to my car. In the parking lot, more bag-boys swarmed me, insisting on helping me with my groceries.

WTF??!! I felt very claustrophobic and overwhelmed with all of the human interaction experienced in the last hour and 10 minutes and called my mother on the way home.

“People kept talking to me at the grocery store!” I lamented in frustration.

 

Because here’s thing. I worked retail and was trained in what I’ll loosely call “customer service” throughout high school and college in the Northeast. Below is the training breakdown:

1. No need to approach or speak to customers unless they ask you a question.

2. If a customer does need assistance, an audible sigh of irritation is permissible before responding. Also, management does ask that you put down your Dunkin’ Donuts coffee first.

3. No need to physically walk customer to the aisle. A simple “aisle 5” is an acceptable response when she asks where shampoo is. Also, complete sentences are optional.

4. Eye contact is not required, or even recommended, really.

 

Hence my shock and confusion at all of the talking and niceness I was showered with at my first grocery store trip. And I began finding this social interaction everywhere I went. I found it awkward for a long time. But now that I am 12 years in, I have adjusted and have learned to enjoy the small talk of the Midwest. The cashiers at our local grocery store (and liquor store…) know my kids’ names. We took a selfie with one just the other day. True story.

 

Now before you East Coasters get your panties all bunched up in offense, let me say two things:

1. You know I speak truth.

2. I LOVED my childhood, and pride myself in being an East Coast girl. My husband coined the phrase “opening up a can of Connecticut on his ass” to describe my response when people piss me off. I OWN my bitchiness, and so should you.

But I am a Midwesterner now. Yeah, I miss fresh seafood. (Sorry Kansas. Love ya, but “flown in fresh” ain’t fresh. You got the good steaks and BBQ. That’s your thing.) I miss the ocean. I miss being able to get a direct flight anywhere at all. However, call them fly-over states all you want, this Midwest we have is not too shabby. We can see for miles. Smells from the next town over can waft by our doorstep. (So sometimes it’s cow manure, but whatever.) We can watch storms roll in. And we take selfies with the grocery store cashiers.

We call it home.

 

photo credit: pixabay.com